Deep Thoughts That Run Through My Head During a Triathlon
Deep Thoughts That Run Through My Head During a Triathlon
Why is it so early? Why do I actually pay for this? Why did I drink that bottle of wine last night? Why do I still get so nervous? Why couldn’t I have picked an easier hobby, like knitting? Focus, this is what you trained for. Talk to God. Lord, please don’t let anyone drown, crash, or die of heat stroke today. Shit, we’re here. How long is the line to the port-a-potties?
Start-panic is setting in. Do some deep breathing Adrienne. You’re a strong swimmer and this is your favorite part. Ok it’s time. 1-2-3 Go! Just don’t swallow any water, there is goose poop everywhere! I hope the swimmers in front of me swatted all the fish out of the way. Please don’t leak goggles! I really hope nobody kicks me in the
nose it’s happened to many times. I wonder who else is peeing right now. Swim faster! OMG What the fuck was that? Please don’t be a snake. Shew, just lake moss. Breathe! You’re almost to transition. Swim faster! That was fun! Where’s Brian? There he is. He’s so cute.
T1-Crap, the bike. I hate this part. Remember that one time you forgot to put your helmet on and got disqualified? Ha! You’ve come a long way. Ok, let’s do this. 1-2-3 Go! Ugh, this bike is my nemesis. Whatever you do, don’t get lost. Pedal faster! Please, don’t get a flat tire. Shit, a hill. It’s just a hill…Get over it! Shut up legs, you’re fine! I hate this fucking bike. Downhill, pick up some speed. Please don’t crash! How did that guy just fly by me like he had a turbo booster engine on his bike? Pedal faster! I’m hungry. My butt hurts. Was that a fucking cicada that just hit my face? Common, you’re almost there and you can get off this dreadful devil’s tool! Where’s Brian? There he is. He’s so cute.
T2-Yay-You’re in the home stretch! You’ve made it this far without any travesties. 1-2-3 -Go! Dear God, it’s so hot now! Why don’t they do the running first and the swimming last? Oh that’s right, so nobody drowns from exhaustion, that makes sense. Ok, time to sing a song it always pushes you through. Chris Stapleton? Nope, too slow. Disturbed? Nope too fast. Prince? Just right!!! “I just want your extra time and your
…KISS!” Run faster! Ugh, I smell like a farm animal. My legs feel like Jell-O. Hmmm, Jell-O sounds good. Jell-O shots sound even better. Where the fuck is the finish? Run faster! Where’s Brian? There he is waiting for me at the finish and cheering louder than anyone else. He’s so cute!
FINISH-Boom! You did it (flood of emotions)! I Can’t wait for food, shower, foot rub and I CAN’T WAIT for the next one!!! 😊